Carter Read online

  Bobby knocks at the door and I hastily try to wipe my tears before he comes barging in, but it’s too late. “Come on,” he says as he unfolds the towel that sits on the vanity. “You’ve been in here over an hour.”

  I usually don’t condone my twin brother barging in on me in the shower, but today, I couldn’t care less. I get up off the floor and step out of the shower. He wraps the towel around me and follows it up with his arms. I stand in his embrace until the chilly air starts to really affect my wet skin.

  He leads me to my room and I find a pair of sweatpants and one of Bobby’s oversized hoodies on the bed. “Are you ready to talk about it yet?” he asks as he leans against the door frame.

  I sit down on the bed and shake my head. The thought of talking about it makes me feel sick, especially when it’s Bobby I’d be talking to. I don’t like him to see me like this, but I know he’s always got my back. I guess that comes with the territory of being twins.

  “Alright,” he says with an encouraging smile. “Why don’t you put on the Kardashians and have a sleep. It will make you feel better.”

  God, he knows me well.

  “Do you need me to bring in the carton of ice cream?” he asks. “I could go and get some trashy magazines and chocolate,” he suggests.

  “What?” I grunt.

  “I don’t know. Don’t you chicks usually like to binge watch tv and eat shit when you’re going through something like this?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know,” I say. “I’ve never gone through something like this before.”

  “Should I call Cass?” he questions.

  “No,” I sigh, knowing that’s honestly the best thing for me right now. “Let her enjoy her newlywed bliss. I’ll see her when she gets back from their honeymoon.”

  “Alright,” he says with another tight smile.

  I hop up from the bed and drop my towel before reaching for the sweat pants. “That’s my cue to leave,” Bobby grunts with his head down at the ground. He does exactly what he says and backs out of the room without another word before silently closing the door.

  I pull on the hoodie and slide under the covers. I smile to myself as I notice the remote and a box of tissues on the pillow beside me. I reach for the remote and flick on Netflix. I search for the latest Kardashians season and hit play.

  I relax into my pillow and get halfway through the first episode before my eyes become heavy and I fall into a dreamless sleep.

  I wake a few hours later to find Bobby sliding in bed beside me. “Wake up,” he murmurs as he gives me a gentle shake. “If you keep sleeping you won’t be able to sleep tonight.”

  He couldn’t be more wrong. All I want to do is sleep for the rest of time. Maybe I could live the rest of my life in unconsciousness to save myself the pain of reality. I groan as I push myself over to use Bobby as a pillow. “I went and got all your stuff,” he tells me “But you’ll need to go back eventually. I’m sure I missed things.”

  “Thanks,” I grumble, but the realization of seeing bags upon bags of my things in the corner of the room just reminds me that it’s truly over. “Today would suck so much more if I didn’t have you.”

  “You’re my best friend, Bri. I’d do just about anything to see the smile come back to your face.”

  “Love you,” I mumble into his chest.

  “Love you, too, sis,” he says as he pulls his arms tighter around me.

  I reach for the remote and press stop on the Kardashians that still plays like background noise. I let out a sigh. After everything Bobby has done for me today, he deserves to know why. “He ended it,” I say.

  “I guessed as much,” he tells me, “but I can’t understand why. I thought he was madly in love with you.”

  “He is,” I say. “But he doesn’t want to get married or ever have kids. It’s apparently not in his cards.”

  “Shit,” Bobby sighs, knowing just how important those factors are for my future. “He’s a fool for not wanting that with you.”

  I don’t respond because, yeah, he totally is, but admitting it right now hurts too much.

  “What am I going to do, Bobby? I love him,” I cry. “I’ll never find something like that again.”

  “You will,” he tells me as he gives me a squeeze. “It might take some time and a few tries, but you’ll get there eventually.”

  “I doubt that,” I grumble.

  “I know you can’t see it just yet but after a little time the pain will start to fade, and you’ll find yourself again.”

  “I hope so,” I tell him.

  “I know so,” he says. “Now get your ass out of bed. I bought you a bottle of wine and Chinese food.”

  I doubt I could eat right now but the bottle of wine sounds good. I let him drag me out of bed and into the kitchen. He serves me up a plate of food and shoves it into my hands. I try my hardest to eat it, but all I do is push it around the plate.

  A list of things I need to do start piling up in my mind and at the very top is finding my own place to live. I get up and find Bobby’s iPad before returning to my spot. I search through all the available listings and find absolutely nothing.

  With a groan, I push the iPad away.

  “What are you doing?” he questions with a full mouth of fried rice.

  “I need to find somewhere to live,” I tell him.

  “That you do,” he agrees. “But you can stay here until you do.”

  “Thanks,” I say with a tight smile.

  It’s probably for the best. I love Bobby and being around him is going to help keep my mind off Carter. The only downfall is that he’s in the NHL and plays for a team in New York. He managed to get a few days off for the wedding, but he’ll be returning to New York much sooner than I want, which is when shit is going to get way too hard to cope.

  I need to find a way to be strong while he’s gone and I wait for Cassie to return.

  I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, but for now, all I can do is throw back this bottle of wine.

  I hear my phone receiving a text and I find myself getting up and rushing to check it. Maybe it’s Carter texting to say this was all some sick joke. Maybe he takes it back and wants to give it a try. Maybe we could compromise, start off small, maybe get a dog. He’ll eventually see that we belong together.

  I grab my phone and light up the screen. My hopes instantly deflate as I see it’s just Cassie. I click on the text and open it up.

  Cassie – Hey, sorry about this morning. I was so exhausted. I had such a great night. I can’t believe how magical it was. Hope you’re having a great day. We’re just about to board the plane for Italy, so I’ll check in with you when we get there xx

  I suck it up as I reply to her text.

  Bri – I hope you have a great honeymoon. I love you so much. Your wedding was absolutely beautiful. I’m so proud of you. Make sure you send heaps of photos and have a safe flight xxx

  Cassie – Thanks, Bri. I love you, too. Tell my idiot brother I love him as well.

  Shit. That stung.

  Bri – Will do, Cass.

  Chapter 4

  Carter

  What a fucked-up day.

  I can’t believe I let the love of my life walk out that door. I shattered her heart and destroyed all hope for her future of having a family with me. I would give anything to want that with her. To have the marriage and the kids, but that’s just not me.

  I’d be surprised if she ever spoke to me again. I tore her apart and betrayed her. I should have been open and honest from the start. She was right. I let her waste two years of her life falling in love with me. I knew I would never give her babies and yet, I let it go on and on.

  I’m nothing but a selfish prick.

  I sit in my too empty house, alone with a bottle of whiskey, drinking away my sorrows. Bobby had come over and emptied out all her shit. It was fucking tragic, like the final piece sliding into place, cementing the fact that I’d let her go. I couldn’t even find it within
me to care that Bobby was two seconds away from beating the living shit out of me. In fact, I would have welcomed it.

  I should have gone after her. I never should have let her walk out the door and I never should have broken her heart. I should have manned up and given her the life she so desperately craves, despite my feelings on marriage and kids.

  The second she left. I knew I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, one I will never be able to make up for. She knows my true colors and even if I was to beg for forgiveness, she’d never come back to me and nor should she.

  She’ll never speak to me again. I’ve ruined my chances with her. She knows we want different things so no matter what I do to try and fix what I’ve broken, it would be a waste of time.

  I pour another drink and throw it back.

  Maybe I could try and mend things with her on a friendship level. It would be a long shot, but at least I could have her in my life. I could watch her grow and heal from the hell I’ve put her through, watch her date a string of men, eventually fall in love again and get pregnant.

  Watching that would be absolute torture, but so rewarding. She would be beautiful pregnant. I can just imagine it now, but it would be another man’s child within her. Never mine.

  I pour another.

  I stood at my bedroom window in my parent’s estate and watched as Bobby helped her up into his truck. I wanted to scream out to her, tell her it was just a sick joke so I could hold her in my arms just one more time.

  How the hell am I going to get through this? She’s my rock, my absolute world and I’ve torn her to pieces.

  I’m a monster, just as she said I was.

  I throw that drink back and slam the shot glass down on the table. The whiskey bottle is close to empty, just like my soul. My head hangs in my hands. I’ve been holding back the tears all afternoon, but the alcohol is making it too hard.

  What have I done?

  I hurt her. The one thing I promised myself that I’d never do.

  I fucking hate myself. A text comes through on my phone, lighting up my screen and I see the picture of me and Bri that she set as my wallpaper last year. Anger instantly swells up inside me. I reach for the shot glass and launch it across the room.

  The slightest bit of satisfaction comes as the glass shatters against the wall, and before I know it, I’m tearing the room to shreds.

  I collapse onto the bed and stare up at the ceiling. Night has come and the thought of sleeping alone in our bed kills me. Before Bri, I had never spent a night with a woman. It was always get in and get out. I had no attachments, but then she came along and changed it all.

  Brianna came in like a damn tornado and I will never be the same again.

  Chapter 5

  Brianna

  5 Months Later

  I sit in my classroom, watching as the kids pack away their art supplies at the end of the day. It’s been five months since I saw his face and it’s killing me. I need him in my life. No matter how hard I try not to. He was my light for so long that I just don’t know how to be without him.

  He’s the love of my life, it’s as simple as that. I fear I may never move on.

  So far, I’ve managed to be strong on the outside, but it’s clear to anyone who knows me that I’m nothing but dead inside. The past few months I’ve lived on auto pilot. I somehow manage to get myself out of bed, I get ready for work, drive to the school and sit through six hours of listening to my first graders before packing up and heading home, only to sit in my new apartment alone.

  The kids finish just as the bell rings, letting them know it’s time to grab their shit and scram. I love my kids, at the moment, they are the only joy in my day and despite my broken heart, they manage to keep me from breaking down every day. Knowing they’re depending on me to give them the best possible education gives me something to work towards and keeps my mind off him.

  Today has been a particularly shitty day. I was searching for an old dress that I haven’t worn in forever and came across the hiding spot where Cassie had shoved all of the shit I had from Carter, with the suit shirt laying on top.

  I pulled my shit together and tried not to think about it, but the image of the crumpled up shirt laying forgotten on top of the box broke me. It’s been circling my mind all day, but I haven’t shed a tear. Maybe I’m getting stronger or maybe I’m just getting better at pretending I don’t miss him.

  I got to school an absolute mess, but the second my kids came in with their big smiles, it faded to the background until I stubbed my toe, twice, split coffee down my dress and had to deal with bullying on the playground.

  I let out a breath as I lock up my classroom. It’s Friday so I can at least go home and open a bottle or two of wine and forget today even happened.

  I get in my car and start her up. Twenty minutes and I’ll be home.

  Just my luck, I get stuck behind a moron who has absolutely no idea how to drive. “Get out of my fucking way,” I yell at my windshield. Though it’s pointless as the fucker certainly can’t hear me, but it feels good to let it out.

  The douchebag picks up his pace a little and I resist the urge to flash my lights at him. I’ve never really been one for road rage but I can see the appeal. The traffic lights turn yellow and I keep up my speed, knowing me and the three drivers behind me will all make it across the intersection safely. But of course, the damn fucker in front slams on his brakes.

  “Fuck,” I yell as I step on my brakes, but it’s too late. My car slams into his rear end and so do the few drivers behind me. I fly forward in my seat, but the seatbelt locks and catches me, causing me to get the worst case of whiplash and from the way my chest is screaming, I probably suffered some bruising.

  I quickly check over myself, making sure I haven’t missed any injuries. When I confirm I’m pretty much okay, I hastily reach for the buckle. I look up out of my shattered windshield and see the idiot in front getting out of his car.

  I see red.

  I push my way out of my banged up car and storm towards him. The movement causes my neck and chest to hurt, but I really couldn’t give a fuck. I have way too much to say to this idiot. “What the fuck is your problem?” I demand at the guy who turns around and looks at me in surprise. “Do you have any idea how to fucking drive? I mean, who the fuck gave you a license?”

  The guy looks to be a twenty-something idiot, with his hat turned to the side and baggy as fuck jeans. The dickhead’s just missing a chain hanging from his pocket and I swear he could be transported here from the nineties. Fucking loser.

  He looks at me blankly and that only manages to enrage me further. “Answer me, you moron.”

  “Uh…,” he grumbles. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Bullshit,” I yell as the drivers from the other cars finally reach us. “I’ve been following your sorry ass for ten minutes. You were swerving all over the place and you haven’t once been able to maintain the correct speed limit, you cut three people off and nearly ran over a pedestrian. Then you add the fucking cherry on top and destroy my fucking car.” I say waving my hand behind me and noticing the other drivers nodding in agreement. “I swear, you’re going to pay for all of this,” I demand.

  “I’m not paying for shit,” he grunts. “This is all on you.”

  And… that’s my breaking point. I run towards him with fists flying. The guy is twice my size, but that doesn’t stop me getting a good go at him. “Fuck you,” I yell as an arm is thrown around my waist and I’m hauled backward.

  “Stop,” a man says to me.

  “Let go of me,” I demand of the man as I get a good look at him. Hmm, not too bad. He is certainly very handsome, but I’m not getting that tingly feeling that makes me want to scream at him to violate me in all sorts of ways.

  He hauls me right over to the curb. “Will you go back there if I let you go?”

  I let out a sigh. “No,” I tell him, but honestly, I might.

  The man releases me and I finally take a second to breath
e. Wow, this really is turning into the day from hell. I find myself dropping down to the curb as I look up at the wreckage. My precious car is ruined which just adds to the list of things that seem to be fucking up in my life.

  “Are you okay?” the guy asks as he crouches down to my level.

  “No,” I grunt. “I’m having a really shitty day.”

  “No kidding?” he says with sarcasm high in his voice.

  I glare at the bastard, after all, he stopped me from getting my sweet, sweet revenge on that dickhead driver. I hear the sound of sirens drawing nearer and I’m glad this shit will be over soon.

  Bobby keeps a car here in Denver that I’ll be able to use until my baby can get fixed, but from the look of it, it’s a write off. I might be in the market for a new one.

  The cops show up with an ambulance on their tail. I get up off the curb and make my way towards the police and give a statement before handing over all my information. I then take satisfaction in watching the cops breath test the guy before the paramedic demands to check me over.

  I explain my injuries and he’s more than happy to send me on my way.

  “Can I give you a lift somewhere?” I hear being asked as I watch a tow truck hauling my car away.

  I turn and see the guy who ‘saved’ me earlier and realize he wasn’t actually a driver in the crash, but more of a witness. I scrunch my face up at him. Do I really want this guy driving me anywhere? “Are you a serial killer?” I ask.

  A smile comes over his face. “No,” he says. “Not lately, anyway.”

  Ha ha. “Rapist?”

  “Nope.”

  Hmmm… it’s clear this guy is just trying to help, but I have no idea why. I cross my arms over my aching chest. “What’s your deal?” I question.

  “Honestly?” he starts. “I was going to talk you into a date tomorrow night.”

  At least the guy is honest. I mean, he has no chance, but props for trying. If I never met Carter, I might have considered going out with the guy just to satisfy a craving, but apart from that, I’m so not into him. What I am into, though, is the bottle of wine in my fridge that still isn’t being drunk.